Jargon Decoder

Kind of like the idea of a “gaydar”, this is used to describe someone who appears so stereotypically queer, you can spot them 100 feet away. While this idea is popular, it’s important to reflect on your assumptions. You can never tell if someone is gay just be looking at them.

A term that came out of Black communities in the US - similar to Stud (or boi and/or butch which are more used in white communities), the term usually refers to people who are masculine of centre and Female assigned at birth (FAB).

• Stone or ‘touch me not’ AG/Stud - someone who identifies as an aggressive or stud, mostly in expression or personality. They are often not interested in receiving pleasure during sex and/or do not wish to be touched in certain areas of their bodies (chest, genitals, etc.).

Queer communities have many events, codes and culture-specific identity for different types of people. In gay masculine spaces, a bear might identify as someone who is bigger bodied, hairier or gives off a ‘rugged’ look). Because internal identity is often tied to community, sometimes people can either identity as a bear or affiliate themselves with bears. For more, see here.

Depending on context, sometimes queer masculine people will date/give off the impression that they are in a “straight” relationship with a woman. This person is referred to as a “beard”, in the same way that a beard can protect the face from harsh weather. There are many reasons why someone has a Beard, but often a form of protection from harassment or abuse. Usually a Beard is a close friend, or someone from the community. Beards are often invited into spaces where expectations are high (family reunions, weddings, etc.). Beards can be real, meaningful relationships (friendship, living together, sharing children, etc.), and can (but often don’t) include sex or intimacy.

Refers to sex or penetration without a barrier protection (like a condom, dental dam, etc). This is a term more often used among gay men. If everyone consents to this kind of sex, then it’s the right kind of sex for them. If someone wants bareback sex, they might communicate it (in person or on a dating profile) to be transparent about what kinds of sex they are looking for.

If you are interested in bareback sex, it might be a great idea to consider taking PrEP.

Expands traditional ideas of gender by referring to someone who identifies as neither boy or girl. Typically this is someone who was assigned female at birth, but who doesn’t entirely align with that identity, most often someone who is genderqueer and/or non-binary. Someone who identifies as a boi can also use any kind of pronouns (he, she, they and/or other), so the two aren’t mutually exclusive. A boi is often masculine of centre however many femme bois do exist!

Sex is often about negotiating boundaries/power in the moment. A Bottom refers to someone who prefers to be receptive during sex (ex. receive penetration by a partner). It is a term most often used among gay cis men, but recently it’s begun to expand among queer, trans and gender non-confirming people. There’s a common stereotype that Tops and Bottoms are a dichotomy where the Top hold more “power” in the sexual relationship than the Bottom. However, in many ways, Bottoms also hold a lot of power because they often call the shots on what acts are ok and which aren’t. If someone is looking to have sex with a top or a bottom, they might communicate it (in person or on a dating profile) to be transparent about what kinds of sex they are looking for.

Refers to someone who might associate with more masculine ways of presenting, which includes individual traits, behaviors and styles. Often, this identity is coupled with femme (associating and celebrating feminine attributes). Sometimes people feel comfortable in “butch-femme” relationships where there’s a masculine and feminine person. However, that’s not true of everyone! For more, read here.

Is, quite literally, a combination of the word “celebrity” and “lesbian”. This is someone who is popular within the queer community (like Ellen Degeneres). This term was popular in the early 2000’s.

Refers to a lesbian who may exhibit some masculine traits (short hair, men’s clothing), but aren’t too tied up to a butch identity - ultimately they are interested in an aesthetic that is relaxed and practical. This idea is close (but different) from a soft butch. While this idea is popular, it’s important to reflect on your assumptions about people, especially if you don’t know them.

a short hand for cisgender and heterosexual (ie. straight) people. Sometimes the term is used instead of straight people as a way to acknowledge queer people that are “straight passing”. Cishet also refers to a culture of normativity, where cisgender and heterosexual identities are considered the status quo.

Sex is often about negotiating boundaries in the moment. This term refers to someone who goes to a particular place specifically to have sex with someone, in the same way people sometimes like to “cruise” in their car to check out a neighbourhood. Sometimes they know this person, and sometimes they don’t. Historically, this would mean meeting at a somewhat secret location (like a particular bar, park, or a school bathroom), but now with the internet, it could also mean meeting online! This term is most often used among gay men, but it’s begun to expand to all kinds of queer people. If everyone consents to this kind of sex, then it’s the right kind of sex for them.

Typically refers to an older person who’s looking for, or in a relationship with a younger person. The age gap may differ, but the relationship can involve a lot of power play and somewhat of a parental hierarchy like support and guidance. For more, read here.

Acronym of a Dad I’d Like to Fuck. Commonly used in gay masculine communities

Used to describe someone who hasn’t, or is not, interested to come out publicly, maintaining an outside perception that they are straight. This can either by because they are not ready, or just not interested all together. This is typically used by gay or bi masculine communities, and is something often found on online profiles.

You ever see couples that look just like each other? That’s the idea.

Drag or Drag Queens are historically gay masculine people who dress up or embody a “larger-than-life” feminine persona. Nowadays, the idea of drag has expanded to all kinds of representations that don’t just include looking feminine (ie. Drag Kings, Drag balls etc.), but most of them carry a theatrical element. Drag has been around for many years, and has taken many forms, but recently have been popularized in television shows and social media.

Drag is very different from identifying as trans. Many Drag Queens feel it is a fundamental part of their identity, but do not identify as trans. Also some trans people have complicated relationships to drag because of its performative nature (but not all trans people feel that way). More information on history here.

A slang term for a lesbian, typically someone who dresses up in a masculine, butch or tomboyish style. Historically, dyke was a derogatory term that people would use to be hurtful, but it has been reclaimed by the community in many different ways. Dyke is just as much as an identity as it is a culture or community, implying assertiveness or toughness.

A derogatory term, usually referring to a gay man. The term originated from England, which is why cigarettes are also sometimes called “fags” as well (this can be confusing). More information here.

Slang term for a queer feminine person who associates with stereotypically feminine things. This can mean in how they dress, act, or even in their personality. It is often used in conjunction with “butch”. Historically it was seen as two sides of the same coin in lesbian culture. However, with the expansion of gender and sexuality, this “one or the other” labeling system is being questioned. In its own way, femme is becoming its own stand-alone identity because of the sexism and misogyny that they feel from all sides of the community.

Female Assigned at birth (or Assigned Female at Birth) - FABs can identify as trans, non-binary, gender queer or men.

Refers to a queer feminine person who has never had sex with a man. Some people see this as a positive thing, like getting a gold star for being a good student. In some ways, a Goldstar Lesbian holds up a gay hierarchy or purity that doesn’t exist. The term can also be harmful towards bisexual/pansexual people, because it implies that someone is ‘more’ gay because of who (or in this case, who they have not) had sex with.

A gathering of people for the purpose of gossiping or chit-chat. This is also the name of a specific kind of drag culture called ballroom drag, which celebrates gender nonconformity and openness. The term comes from Black queer and trans communities. It has since been adopted by other queer groups (like some white queer people), but not always in a way that respects the history of the term.

A lesbian who favors a glamorous, traditionally feminine style, including wearing lipstick!

refers to someone who is HIV negative.

When someone wears padding or a phallic object in front of their pants or underwear to give the appearance of having a penis. You can pack with different kinds of things like socks or packers designed to look like a penis. This is common among trans masculine people.

Refers to someone who prefers to receive sexual stimulation more than they give it. It’s a term often used in queer feminine communities. The idea is that a Pillow Princess will lay their heads on a pillow most of the time during sex. But remember! there are lots of ways to have sex in this way that doesn’t always involve lying down!

Short for “Party and Play”, which mostly describes someone who is interested in doing substances and trying new things in a social setting. This can also be described as Chemsex (short for Chemical Sex). If someone is looking for sex, they might communicate it (in person or on a dating profile) to be transparent about who they are or what kinds of sex they are looking for.

Refers to someone who is HIV positive. If someone is looking for sex, they might communicate it (in person or on a dating profile) to be transparent about who they are or what kinds of sex they are looking for.

Pointing out a flaw in someone else (usually publicly or in front of them). The term came from queer and trans people of color. It has since been adopted by other queer groups (like some white queer people), but not always in a way that respects the history of the term.

The ability to “blend” or “pass” as something, sometimes as a straight person. The term came from queer and trans people of color, originating in a drag context. It has since been adopted by other queer groups (like some white queer people), but not always in a way that respects the history of the term.

Two people in a relationship have different HIV status’ (one is HIV negative and one is HIV positive).

A certain type of disapproval or insult, often without words. The term was originally came from queer and trans people of color, originating in a drag context. It has since been adopted by other queer groups (like some white queer people), but not always in a way that respects the history of the term.

A person’s sister. The term originally came from queer and trans people of color, originating in a drag context (like drag queens might refer to one another as “sis”). It has since been adopted by other queer groups (like some white queer people), but not always in a way that respects the history of the term.

a queer feminine person who’s more dominant during sex. This term is more popular among racialized communities, and might also identify as butch.

A piece of sensitive or gossipy information that someone is hoping to share. The term originally came from queer and trans people of color, usually in a drag context. It has since been adopted by other queer groups (like some white queer people), but not always in a way that respects the history of the term.

Refers to someone who is dominant, like the “top” is the pleasure giver.

One of the internal body parts of a reproductive system. Here’s a diagram of some of the different parts of a vagina.

Someone who is young or young-looking and can have boyish qualities. This term is usually used in gay, white, masculine communities. Some have called twink identities as racist and ageist. Twinks are often assigned stereotypes, like they are too feminine, shy, insecure or sexually inexperienced.

A relationship that progresses very quickly (i.e. moving in together after a short period of time). This is a pattern stereotypically attributed to feminine relationships. It’s named after U-Haul, the van rental company.

This is a new idea! Originating from 2016 Ty Dolla $ign song by the same name, it describes someone who is attractive and also fashionable. It’s also a slight variation of daddy, . This term doesn’t have a strong association in gay or lesbian cultures, but many gender queer/non-confirming people have taken it up.